CHAPTER TWO
The Bounty Hunter
& The
Lawman
Philo Smith the Bureaucrat’s trek up the narrow mountain range towards the famed “Rubble Village” (once Denver Colorado) was incredibly dangerous and made all the more difficult considering that the wheels to his tan VW bug were replaced with tank turrets. The nuclear winter had hit this area of the world in a strange way, the radiation merged with the altitude forming the snow into gray ash where it permanently rained down.
Philo made it to the side of the cliff; he parked his Snow-Cat Bug in front of the tiny log cabin that over looked the village. The door to the vehicle opened slowly as a mountain of ash blocked it; Philo slowly emerged wearing his black leather helmet and gas mask struggling against the wind to get all the way out. The driver’s door slammed shut without any effort from his gloved hands that were too busy clutching the manila envelope dossier. He waddled up to the front door of the cabin knocking as hard as he could. The door opened with a creaaaak revealing a slightly over weight unshaven man in a sky blue and white house robe, his white t-shirt displayed a red welcome mat on the front, holding his “World’s Best Boss” mug. Even through his clear goggles Philo could see that the man’s bright brown skin off set the light gray ash that blew all around them.
THE BUREAUCRAT
Are you Mr. Denver Max?
DENVER MAX
The one and only.
THE BUREAUCRAT
The youngest son of Max Prime and the brother to misters Dallas Max and Dakota Max?
DENVER MAX
Cut to the chase, Goggles.
THE BUREAUCRAT
Your-
An eruption of wind followed by roaring thunder accompanied by a flash of yellow lightening made this small weirdo really hard for Denver Max to understand.
DENVER MAX
You want to come in Champ? I can’t understand a single thing you’re saying.
Denver Max welcomed Philo Smith into his home which it turns out only appeared as a log cabin on the outside but was lead lined bomb shelter with a pea green couch facing a fire place that a tube television showing static inside instead of an actual fire, shelves of canned goods lined the left wall, below them was a counter adjacent to the plastic top picnic table. Denver Max showed his guest over to the table where the two sat in lawn chairs, the visitor removed his mask.
THE BUREAUCRAT
Aha it feels good to get that thing off.
DENVER MAX
What are you even doing wearing that thing? The air has been breathable in these parts a damn near thirty cykes.
THE BUREAUCRAT
I’m Philo Smith, Head Bureacrat for the Royal family.
DENVER MAX
Pleased to meet.
THE BUREAUCRAT
Pleased to meet, unfortunately I must deliver the news that your father and two brothers have been killed.
DENVER MAX
How!?
THE BUREAUCRAT
All three died in a shootout two knights ago at a tavern in the royal city of “Sea At All”.
DENVER MAX
Youch!
THE BUREAUCRAT
Making you the last heir of the Max bloodline.
DENVER MAX
I’m the last one, huh…Cheese, that’s really piss poor.
The Max Bloodline of Bounty Hunter’s became the primary royal enforcemnet of the West fifteen years ago after King Morten disbanded the Neo-Samurai. Beginning as a guild of vicious thugs for hire but none more vicious than Max Prime who only at the age of ten had managed to murder a third of his competition and have over a hundred percent success rate in capture and retrieval of his targets.
DENVER MAX
Its not all that bad, I can finally retire.
THE BUREAUCRAT
Actually you can’t, my next line was going to be good news you are now the official Royal Bounty Hunter.
DENVER MAX
DAMNIT!
Philo stood then dropped the manila envelope in front of Denver Max, who picked it up and leafed through it as if it was a travel brochure.
THE BUREAUCRAT
This is the running case for King Morten, it involves his sons both the real and the bastard nephew.
DENVER MAX
It looks like a pretty fresh case, that means it had to have gone to Dakota first, how far did he get?
THE BUREAUCRAT
Not very, when Dallas found out the high profile nature of the case he confronted his brother involving in a hostage situation that took place at the Blitzed Hawk Tavern. Your father was sent in to calm matters down which resulted in a fire fight and well…
DENVER MAX
Denver Max, head Bounty Hunter for all the Western Lands.
THE BUREAUCRAT
Indeed.
DENVER MAX
Well, this case involves the entertainment trade so that’s an easy place to start my ex-partner is a Lawman who specializes in that beat. Are we done here?
THE BUREAUCRAT
Well…I know this may be asking a bit much but as you know, I’m a bureaucrat, a messenger one at that, once my business is concluded I will be executed as payment upon my return. Seeing how the drive up here was a kind of a nightmare…
DENVER MAX
You want me to end you here so you don’t have to go all the way back just to die?
THE BUREAUCRAT
Please!?
DENVER MAX
Friend, you have now made my morning.
Denver Max took the pistol out of his bathrobe, faced Philo and shot. His head EXPLODED, leaving a blood-splattered wall in front of Denver Max who took a sip of his scotch and coffee.
DENVER MAX
Time to get to work.
The Lawmen were the next in line to phase out the Bounty Hunters as law enforcement, unlike their predecessors they were called in because they were needed after the bounty hunters basically cannibalized themselves ten years into their reign. The Lawmen maintained order on a case-by-case basis; a majority of them performed their tasks as dictated by arresting “criminals” aka any non-royal trying to get past their station in life.
Lawman Lumber Jack was an opportunist, who toyed with his prey by setting up criminal enterprises through intimidation, profiting from them and then when they became known to the kingdom he would “arrest” them. Arrest is in quotation marks because none of these people served any time in prison, their foreheads all met the sharp end of an axe named Bev.
Recently, a very profitable movie was making the rounds on VHS, it was unlike the snuff films or visual spaghetti of random images that had become profitable, this one had a full blown story with a beginning middle and end, legitimate laughs and sound for crusts sakes.
The thing sold out faster than fifth generation bootleg copes could be made. The rumor was that the royals made it and that’s why it was so good and why no one had been punished, then word got out about the prince’s fleeing across the west.
Lumber Jack thought about reaching out to Denver-Max but it had been three years since his choice to become a Sherriff split them apart, he was still under the illusion of hope that he would never have to see him again in life.
Lumberjack shuffled through boxes of paper work at his desk, when Ribby his least favorite Jr. Sherrif squeaked at him.
RIBBY
This guy is here to see ya Chief.
Lumber Jack peered up from his files to see Denver Max speed walking towards his office.
LUMBER JACK
Ribby that’s strike three, go kill yourself.
RIBBY
Copy that.
Ribby nonchalantly put down his clipboard and headed off whistling while Lumber Jack called after him.
LUMBER JACK
I mean it Mr. if I find you aren’t dead in the next ten minutes you’ll wish you were.
Denver Max bullied his way into the office headfirst.
DENVER MAX
Look I don’t want to be here and I know you don’t want me here so here’s the deal, royals, movie, info.
LUMBER JACK
Please?
DENVER MAX
You’re stroking that damn handle bar mustache so I know you know something.
Lumber Jack did catch himself unconsciously stroking his face and sneered at Denver Max.
LUMBER JACK
I happened to be going through all my information on the international trade when-
The alarms sounded as a thick patch of smoke wafted into the office while the other Sherriff’s started running about in chaos. Lumber Jack stopped the sweaty mess that was Officer Bodfrey and pulled him up by the collar.
LUMBER JACK
What’s going on Bodfrey?
OFFICER BODFREY
Its Ribby sir, he blew himself up in the elevator and the fire is reaching up the building we’re all trying to evacuate but the stair well is blocked.
Lumber Jack dropped the Officer and picked up Bev who had been resting on his desk, he nodded to Denver Max.
LUMBER JACK
To be continued?
DENVER MAX
To be continued.
Lumber Jack proceeded to swing his axe cutting through every Sherriff while Denver Max used his hand cannon pistol to blast through any remaining obstacles formerly known as people. The two butchered their way down the stair well leaving puddles of blood in their wake reaching the outside and blocking the exit doors behind them. Lumber Jack turned the blood stained read black shirt pressed his suspenders as he took in the murder then exhaled.
LUMBER JACK
I knew something was up with that kid, I should’ve cut him down the moment he entered the precinct. Oh well hindsight is twenty-twenty.
DENVER MAX
What’s that mean?
LUMBER JACK
It’s an old saying…never mind.
DENVER MAX
I’m going after those kids, you can either help me or not.
LUMBER JACK
That was all but one of the remaining Lawmen this district had to offer, as the last one of my order I’m honor bound to go with you to avenge their deaths.
DENVER MAX
But we killed most of them.
LUMBER JACK
No we didn’t, a band of roving filmmakers inspired by the dangerous and highly illegal film by the kidnapers of the royals did.
DENVER MAX
Cold blooded.
LUMBER JACK
Where’d you park?
The Drewniverse 44 