CHAPTER FIVE
Humble Gumble
Wilson’s was the West’s prime underground restaurant, it was the only place that played music because its owners were the Duke & Dutchess and they paid heavy under the table fees that had most Lawmen willing to look the other way. Gumble sat at the table in the far back, waiting for his meal and taking in the music he heard, it was truly beautiful, strings of some kind and keys. Since instruments themselves were forbidden Gumble never thought to commit them to memory. He did know who wrote this piece, it was Finch De’Moan he knew because he requested it and he requested it because Finch De’Moan was the man Gumble was sent to kill.
One month ago the Flannel Ronin helped the musician evade a group of Lawmen at the boarder of Mexas (Combined ruins of Texas and New Mexico) successfully getting him into the West. Since their falling out during the fall of the Neo-Samurai Gumble made it his mission to specifically undo what he could that the Flannel Ronin was responsible for; it was difficult, as the Ronin was quite good at hiding people and even getting them off country on a plane or past the boarders up North and down South. Yet Gumble was still able to track down many an escaped musician or filmmaker, the thought of the over two thousand souls all-waiting in the royal prison did weigh heavily on his mind.
Gumble’s Armadillo steak and mashed potatoes arrived at the same time that Finch De’Moan stormed in. He was tall but rail thin with bright yellow hair with a six inch cowlick, he wore a long barn coat that clashed against his bright red suspenders.
FINCH DE’MOAN
I GOT WORD THAT A LAWMAN IS LOOKIN’ FOR ME, WHERE’S HE AT!?
The young hostess quickly came over, she pointed in Gumble’s direction the enraged De’Moan fiercely strutted in Gumble’s direction.
FINCH DE’MOAN
I hear word you came here to claim me.
GUMBLE
It was I that spread it.
FINCH DE’MOAN
Well if you think I’m going peacefully you out your damn mind.
Finch De’Moan lifted the left side of his coat to expose the .45 Revolver pocketed inside.
GUMBLE
This music, its yours, correct?
FINCH DE’MOAN
What!?
GUMBLE
I came in and gave three oak coins to the young lady at the door, told her to play the best of Finch De’Moan. I believe I’ve heard three pieces so far, very riveting.
FINCH DE’MOAN
I aint in the mood and I aint got the time for this.
GUMBLE
Just answer me, what are you using to make the music?
FINCH DE’MOAN
You mean muh Casio!?
GUMBLE
A Casio, hmm, and that makes all these sounds?
FINCH DE’MOAN
Mister I aint here to give no lessons. A man of your occupation has no business appreciatin’ it anyhow.
GUMBLE
Please take a seat, I will even pay for your meal, you can get anything you’d like.
FINCH DE’MOAN
I don’t break bread with no Lawmen! Not after everyone y’all killed or locked up. I hated every second I’ve had to talk to you, pretendn’ you’re a person, which you aint!
GUMBLE
Now if you would please sit down, I can explain-
Finch De’Moan spit on Gumble’s food. The Bounty Hunter looked up at the musian with a heartbroken yet stern face.
GUMBLE
Very well sir…
Gumble stood towering eight feet over Finch De’Moan, who slightly backed up at the sight of him.
GUMBLE
Just know this, my whole life I portray this calm exterior because inside there is a storm of rage, hatred and anger that is quite terrifying. My whole life is spent fighting who I want to be against what I really am. My whole life!
He grabbed Finch’ De’moan by the cowlick pushing his face to his.
GUMBLE
MY WHOLE LIFE!!!
Gumble whipped Finch De’Moan around like a rag doll, smashing him into the pool table.
GUMBLE
MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!
SLAM on to the bar.
GUMBLE
MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!!
SLAM on to the floor breaking the bones in De’Moan’s feet.
GUMBLE
MY!!!!
SLAM! He broke his knees.
GUMBLE
WHOLE!!!
SLAM! He broke his ribcage.
GUMBLE
LIFE!!!
Finch De’Moan started vomiting blood. Gumble turned him over grabbing him by the throat.
FINCH DE’MOAN
Plll…please…
GUMBLE
Do you have a wife?
Through tears the musician nodded, but the Bounty Hunters grip only grew tighter.
GUMBLE
Do you have children?
FINCH DE’MOAN
Yyy…yes…
He gripped tighter, cracking his neck bone.
GUMBLE
Then you should of thought of them, as well as anyone who was ever joyed to hear your gifts.
Gumble then put his thumbs into Finch De’Moan’s eye sockets, pushed back until his digits had burst through the back of the man’s skull and then pulled his head apart like cardboard. He was covered in blood, heaving for a minute as no one could look on, every patron, no matter how used to this violent world could not believe what they had witnessed. The Lawman stood, taking out a handkerchief to wipe some of the blood off his person.
GUMBLE
Apologies to everyone, I will be paying for all your meals courtesy of the King, if you still have an appetite that is. Fare the well.
And with that, the number one Lawman of the West was headed back to his office, which was on fire. The Fire crews did their best to put it out, Gumble was furious, searching the chaos for an answer when he was approached by a Bureaucrat.
BUREAUCRAT
Lawman Gumble?
GUMBLE
The very same, you have knowledge of this event?
BUREAUCRAT
There was a call put into the castle by Lawman LumberJack. Apparently some prisoners got lose, set fire to the elevator, he barley escaped with a one, Denver Max and they’re headed on the retrieve mission for the princes.
GUMBLE
Retrieve mission? Were they involved in this as well?
BUREAUCRAT
Separate issue entirely.
GUMBLE
Were they able to pull anyone or anything out of that fire?
BUREAUCRAT
Nothing so far but a bunch of bodies, some hacked limbs oddly enough.
GUMBLE
Any case files that would keep me occupied are a blaze now. Did Lawman LumberJack say where he was headed?
BUREAUCRAT
Its pretty well known that the boys were headed for Haven City.
GUMBLE
Thank you good sir.
Gumble headed off to his truck, when the Bureaucrat stopped him.
BUREAUCRAT
Ah Lawman Gumble, I have fulfilled the extent of my role….
GUMBLE
I just came from dispatching someone.
The Bureaucrat folded him arms and impatiently tapped his foot.
GUMBLE
Stay right there.
Gumble climbed into his black pick up truck with red flames, supported by sixty-six inch tires. The engine roared to life, the truck ran over and through the Bureacrat before it headed East on to the high way.
He drove for hours, using his patrol light and speeding as fast as he could, when he got a call over his dispatch radio near the boarder of Bowrain (once Kansas). Something had happened at Dusty’s Diner, and that was an understatement.
After surveying the carnage and getting the waitress’ account of events, Gumble called King Morten, who was rightfully incensed.
KING MORTEN
Beyond dead, you hear me!? I want whoever did this to my boys, BEYOND. DEAD!
GUMBLE
Yessir, well it seems like Lawman LumberJack is the one that got poor Francisco, my condolences. And it appears the Blind Ronin slew LumberJack and took care of Bushy, again, my condolences.
KING MORTEN
You said they were headed to Haven City right?
GUMBLE
Yessir, well, the boys were going in that direction.
KING MORTEN
It’s the perfect place for that Creatin, he just murdered two royals.
GUMBLE
What is your command sir?
KING MORTEN
Go to Haven City and prepare for my arrival, I will kill this Ronin myself.
King Morten slammed the phone hard on the receiver, Gumble solemnly returned the phone back to the waitress, gave her a nod and returned to the highway.
One massive detail he had purposefully left out was that the waitress did in fact see who killed Bushy, as she described it,
JOJO
The Blind one and the Dog-Skull went back to the RV and out stepped this Bushy of yours and a peculiar fella in some kind of plaid get up, with this large beautiful cat, it had tusks. I wish I had a picture! Anyways, your Bushy seemed like he wanted the plaid fella or the blind man to kill the Dog-Skull, instead the plaid man split your Bushy up the center with his sword.
Gumble omitted that information because upon hearing it and witnessing the crime scene something had become clear. The royals of the West did not deserve their seats of power and he had spent ten years running from, abandoning, capturing and killing those who had true honor. His mission wasn’t to prepare for King Morten but to warn the Ronin and prepare for the fight to end all of this.
The highway ended at the seventeen-foot high walls. Gumble waited in his car until the light at the booth to the far right turned on. A voice spoke from a megaphone.
BOOTH OPERATOR
Pull over to the left and exit the vehicle with your hands raised.
Gumble did as instructed and two Haven Rangers were on him as soon as the door on the truck closed. One patted him down while the other one shone a light in his face.
FLASHLIGHT
Welcome to Haven City, do you have anything to declare?
GUMBLE
No.
FLASHLIGHT
Any weapons in the vehicle?
GUMBLE
No.
FLASHLIGHT
N-
The Ranger giving the pat down finished his procedure, then was terrified when finally getting a look at Gumble’s face.
PAT-DOWN
Holy cheese Laudy, you don’t know who this is!?
FLASHLIGHT
Should I?
PAT DOWN
He’s the friggin Gumble, fella doesn’t have a weapon cause he is the dang weapon! We gotta get special with him.
FLASHLIGHT
Fine. Sir, do you have any explosive devices or personal trigger machinations in your vehicle.
GUMBLE
I opted out of the company offer.
Whistles were blown, within minutes Gumble was handcuffed to a table inside the interrogation room of Rangers HQ. Across from Gumble was Chief Ranger Roth Burrow, a stocky tan man with a bushy mustache; they knew each other by reputation.
RANGER ROTH
For the life of me Gumble, I don’t know why he’d come here. He know’s this is a neutral zone.
GUMBLE
King Morten does not care, he is on his way, you are all in danger and I need to speak to the Flannel Ronin.
RANGER ROTH
What makes you think he’s here?
GUMBLE
Do not be coy with me Roth, I followed his trail here, he would have entered this city in a Winnebago a few hours ago.
RANGER ROTH
That so?
GUMBLE
You see how I’m chained to this table? That is out of mere courtesy, I can easily break this chain and tear that mustache right off your face,
RANGER ROTH
Here is something you might not know about the Rangers Mr. Gumble, we’re all volunteer citizens and something else, every citizen is made up of displaced artists, engineers and so forth that view you as the damn boogeyman. I let you loose on this city and you’re liable to find a knife in your back or a bullet in your skull.
GUMBLE
You confiscated all of the weapons.
RANGER ROTH
Not the Rangers!
GUMBLE
I’m trying to help you.
RANGER ROTH
Then why’d you call Morten in the first place?
GUMBLE
That was my last act as a Lawman; this is my first act as a free one.
RANGER ROTH
Alright…fine! But two things, number one, the Flannel Ronin and friends are hosting movie night, bout to premiere some movie the Dog-Skull actor is in, you are not allowed to interrupt!
GUMBLE
But time is of the essence!
RANGER ROTH
ART IS OF THE ESSENCE! And you better pray me and the other Rangers haven’t missed one second of it thanks to your triflin’ self.
GUMBLE
And thing two?
RANGER ROTH
After the lights go up you’re the Ronin’s since you’re the one lookin’ for him, so you also better pray that he has it in his heart to protect you.
Gumble walked handcuffed in a straight line to the main theatre at the end of town, along the way he saw many illegal shops and exhibits on main street that made him chuckle at the thought that he could ever police this.
They reached the theater as the lights dimmed. “That’s prayer number one,” thought Gumble. Then the movie started, which is the first time he had ever experienced it, or even film at all. His Father never exposed him to his work as an animator for fear that they’d both be arrested, he never in his years as a Lawman or even with the Neo-Samurai ever watched any confiscated art, the music of Finch De’Moan was the first time he allowed himself to hear music. Watching this film that was unlike anything he had ever gone through in this life, as it combined sight and sound in a way Gumble could have never comprehended possible
After the film there was a standing ovation, the nervous Dog-Skull took the stage and bowed. Gumble could not help himself and had to cheer.
GUMBLE
OUTSTANDING, OUTSTANDING!
THE FLANNEL RONIN
Happy you think so.
Gumble turned, both Ronin’s and the giant cat George were behind him.
THE FLANNEL RONIN
You were looking for me?
They took him back to the Winnebago swiftly, so that the remaining audience members or any off duty Ranger not see him. Luckily for them, the Royals had a well-stocked supply of liquor. Rista poured the shots of whisky as the others spoke.
THE FLANNEL RONIN
I expected the King to be on his way, the Queen is on her way as well.
GUMBLE
How do you know?
THE FLANNEL RONIN
I have my ways.
GUMBLE
Do you have a plan?
THE FLANNEL RONIN
Part of the plan is not telling you all of it.
GUMBLE
How about any of it?
RISTA
HA!
Rista slammed the three filled shot glasses on the table without spilling an ounce.
RISTA
Good luck with that, Red’s always been a fan of playing it close to the vest; Too close if you ask me.
THE FLANNEL RONIN
Gumble, it is truly great to see you after these years, but if you think that I completely trust you? inside I am cackling.
GUMBLE
That’s fair. So Rista, how did you get involved in all of this
RISTA
I was living in the hills with my wife and daughter, minding my own business as a Tapir farmer when one cold night, Copper Sisters came, I fought them off, killed the two I thought were the only ones but they were just a distraction, the Queen herself came and made off with my Lynda and Samantha. She started going after the wives and daughters of all of the Neo-Samurai from the rebellion. I met Red, he told me he’s been trying to get to the East for years, so we joined up. Now it’s coming to us.
They clanked their glasses and drank.
THE FLANNEL RONIN
Welcome back Gumble.
GUMBLE
Good to be back.
The Drewniverse 44 